A conversation begins and I collapse inside. An emotional implosion. I speak and listen within, regroup and reclaim a connection to myself. I listen to the other and lose myself once again. Back and forth I go, from panicked to relaxed to frightened and calm once again. I’m a part of, then apart from, both myself and the other.
I pretend to listen and understand the other. I sincerely try to listen and understand. I try to listen to myself. The distinction between other and self is blurry. What are they thinking and feeling? What am I thinking and feeling? Disconnected and frustrated, I think, it shouldn’t be this difficult. What is this painful residual resonance this interaction leaves behind within me?